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This is the accidentally intentional podcast. I'm your host, Joe, I hate small talk, and I'm ready to have meaningful conversations that build us. Let's go. So the past couple episodes of the podcast have revolved around figuring out what could be causing tension in your friendships and what to do if there is tension. And one of the common themes through them is I've mentioned in passing is being offended, and someone who decides to live in a fence. But today, I want to zero in on a fence. And what actually happens as a result of someone living offended? Have you ever had a friend that's so easily offended that the term walking on eggshells doesn't begin to do justice, you're probably thinking of someone. Right now, in my mind, that's because I'm a visual learner. It looks more like that scene from Indiana Jones, where spears are jumping out of the ground, and Indiana Jones is trying to dodge and avoid them. Now. Pardon the theatrics. I'm just done, woman. But the point really is there, these moments with easily offended people are not enjoyable, comforting, or fun. And it wasn't until more recently in my life, that it was brought to my attention that I was this person. And I obviously wanted to change that perfect example, a couple years ago, my best friend and I were in an explosive fight. So explosive, that neither of us actually remember what it was that we were fighting about. Other than the last thing I remember being was offended. Have you ever heard that phrase, what you focus on, you always see more of? Its true, because here I was. Now seeing everything through a lens of offense, as a result of what I'm sure, looking back on, it was a very minor thing that my bestie may have said, and me completely misinterpreting and taking it out of context. We've got to be honest, I popped off, I got a little aggressive and clearly very shaken up to wish my friend calmly responded, hurt and saddened, saying, Wow, way to have some grace for me. So now she was disappointed. And she needed to share that with me. But here's what actually was going on comment aside. She was using that as a way to say something to me. And what she was trying to say was as a result of what her body was telling her, and her body was saying, I don't feel safe with you right now. And that was the moment it all began to change. I started to calm down and I gave a half hearted apology. And I wasn't fully remorseful. Yet, I will say that I was still wearing these glasses and lenses metaphorically that was having me look at the world through an offended point of view. And it wasn't until later in the evening that I took some quiet time to reflect on what happened. And those that know me know that faith guys my steps. So in the silence, I felt God was challenging me in putting this on my heart. And here's the sentence, XO, if you were as generous with your grace, as you were with your finances, imagine what your world would look like. So I removed those glasses and lenses of offense immediately. I mean, I was gutted. How did I get like this, I guess it didn't matter because I was going to take action moving forward. And from that moment, my goal has consistently been to work towards becoming the unfindable friend, team member, sister, daughter, future wife, et cetera. Ultimately, I want everyone around me to feel safe, and feel seen and feel loved. So these actions I was going to learn to take to becoming less offended, was ultimately going to expedite that process and make every relationship in my life work better. So I want to share with you three things that I have learned in my quest and steps I've taken to rewire my brain. Anytime I'm feeling triggered to take offense to something one, it is a choice I'm making, it's an action. That's why it's called take offense take is an action. So I no longer choose to take offense. Now there's an interesting distinction to point out here. And that's that we can't choose our feelings as in the emotions that are produced in our body. But we do have control over the actions we choose to take as a result of those feelings. And that's what I'm referring to. So step one, was it's a choice, and I'm going to choose to not be offended. Step two is seek to know someone's heart. If it is someone that truly loves me, then I can trust that whatever they told me was to pull the best out of me, not calling me out, but rather calling me up to live into my potential and truly become the best version of myself which is ultimately what I want to be and for everyone around me as well. So step two was seek to know someone's heart and assume the best intentions And then of course, that leaves us with number three, clarify if there could be a possible misinterpretation, and then choose again. So if someone said something that hit you sideways, that's what I'm talking about. And you can say, this is how I'm interpreting what you said, is that what you meant. Now, if clarifying is not an option, because the person isn't in close enough proximity to you, or for some reason, then the default action for me is I automatically decide I'm not going to take offense, because I can't clarify. So I'm just going to assume the best of intentions at that point. And here's what I noticed, I am so much less anxious, when I recognize that I have the ability to choose whether or not I want to take offense and choose to not take offense as a result. It's almost like I swapped out my glasses and my lenses entirely, I feel more free. And so to the people around me, and people feel safe. You know, it reminds me of this one proverb that says it is to one's glory, to overlook an offense. And I think that's why, because you get to live in freedom. As a result, freedom for you, and freedom for those around you as well. I'm now seeing people and their pure intentions, and how they really are trying to help me grow. And I put myself on the hook in, I asked my friends to hold me accountable to it. And let me be candid, I'm not close to mastering this yet. It's a lot of daily decisions, because I have to go through these steps every day. But if you're listening to this podcast, then I have to believe that you want to be an incredible friend. And that's what drives you is you want to build rich relationships with everybody in your life. So here's my challenge for all of us. What is one thing that you can choose to not be offended by today? Which lenses will you choose to see the world through? And if you can't think of any offenses, right, now, here's a surefire way that I've found. And again, this is if If faith guides your steps, I'll ask God the following. Is there anything in my life that you want me to release to you today? The reason I'm sharing all this is because self reflection is a key to becoming incredible at building relationships, period. In my experience, what I found is if I want to grow my relationships, I also have to grow myself. And I believe in you, and I believe that you are capable of building incredible friendships. And I want you to know, that offense doesn't need to hold you anymore. Was there someone that came to mind as you were listening to this episode? Because if so, please share it with them. We're so passionate about this message, and we want to give value to the people that would benefit from it. We drop a new episode every other Thursday, so be sure to subscribe to get the latest conversations. Oh, and one more thing. If you enjoy this episode, and this podcast, I would be so honored. If you would leave a review. It helps us to better connect with the intended audience of this podcast by doing so. And I truly am so grateful for any amount of time that you choose to spend with me because trust me, I know how many options are out there and I do not take it for granted. Seriously, I just wow I just really appreciate you and take I may not know your name yet, but let's change that connect with me on Instagram at XO Asher, or on Twitter at combos with xo. But hey, even if I don't know your name yet, what I do know for certain is that you're amazing. I love you. You have something that the world needs and you are always more than enough. So hey, we'll see you next time on The accidentally intentional podcast.