Alright guys, so today's a special episode because when this airs, it's January 28. And that's our four year best for anniversary. And before you were like, warriors have extra one is it? Okay first off, I am extra welcome. Yes, my name is zo. Secondly, this is my best friend Brooke Hyatt. And Brooke is also the mom of my favorite baby on the planet. Obviously human spirit. Yeah, he takes the cake. And also the hut. No. You're the wife of Taylor Hyatt who was on Episode Two about how to become a millionaire. Look. Oh, see, I just need Aussie next. And then everybody's been on the podcast check his calendar. Yes, please do. Z. But this is an extra special episode because Brooke and I were like acquaintance friends. For like, a year, two years before we actually make it depends on who you're asking. I'm just gonna keep looking into the camera, and it's just gonna be this old time. So let me tell my experience the first Okay, so. So this is pretty funny, because when Brooke and I hung out for the first time, Brooke said to me, oh my gosh, we should grab dinner. I'd love to get to know you and to watch. I'm like, Okay. Brooke didn't ask me one question. I asked her like disheveled Daisy talking the whole time. You are too busy to mark. Us. Awesome. Very loud. It was very strapping field. Yes. It's not a good environment. So I blame that right. So that was really funny. And I hold this against you to this day. But she's obviously made up for it. Because now we're vibing. But yeah, so that was our first experience. And I was like, we're like she didn't actually want to get to know, I don't know what that was. So we were like, like friends, like see each other around. Hey, girl, he'd hang out sometimes. But let's talk about the moment where that dynamic kind of changed between us and how it was like, Oh, she's not just like a pal anymore. Like, this is like, this isn't until we get like a date of what's a friend niversary kind of correct. Like, what why is that? Why is that so special? Yeah. Yeah. And so. I mean, I think it's, it was important because, yeah, like, I wanted to get to know you. But I think with that I didn't necessarily know how very well, so I was doing what I thought was getting to know you kind of thing. And then in my head, I'm like, Oh, we're good. We're friends. Like we're tight. And then tight. fighters can be vibing. Yeah, we use the word binding because that's those like thing when she like meet someone and electric. Yeah. And we talked one time about how at what point were reviving and mine was a solid. Six months to a year is when I thought we were here before me or so confirmed. I was like, cuckoo. Cuckoo. Yeah, so it was a night like, you'd come over. And like we're spending the night or something like that. And we were just like talking girls slumber party. Yeah, I think it was the next morning, we were just hanging out and talking. And it was that, that moment that it felt like a real like, conversation was happening of I had just gone through something really hard. In my life, I had lost a friend. And it was something that I wasn't navigating, as well as I thought I was with people. Like I wasn't really letting anyone in. And so asked me how I was like, truly how I am didn't let me get away with the I'm okay, I'm doing fine. And it was in that moment that I was like, okay, she genuinely wants to know how I am like how I truly am. And we just had this great, long conversation of being able to actually be vulnerable with someone. And that's when it like, clicks for me of like, this is what it means to like, truly be in friendship with someone to have those moments where you can have someone asked you how you are, and be able to trust them and open up and be vulnerable. Now, you said you weren't doing a good job of like letting people in? Was it not doing a good job of it? Or were you intentionally pushing people out? Like what what was your headspace in? Thing is a little bit of both because it's always been hard for me in the past to open up with people and to get to where I consider them a best friend or to be close with someone. And I think I experienced that with my friend that I lost and then having to be like, well I put all this effort in and I did it this time and I was open and what I thought I was doing to be open and yet this how Ben, and I tragically lost someone. And those are not in my control at all. But like, My instinct is to blame myself and have, like, just isolate and be like, Well, that wasn't worth it. So why try again. And so I think that's been my tendency all my life is to just withdraw, if it's uncomfortable, or if it's hard, and letting people in is hard for me. And so I think coming off of that, also mixed with I had never been through something that felt like, like that situation. And so I didn't know how to cope with it. And I didn't know how to talk about it. And also the mix of like, not wanting to talk about it, too. And so I think it was just a combination of all of those things. You talked about, like letting people in, and I just, so you're gonna find out pretty quickly in this conversation. Brooke and I are very opposite in a ton of ways. And I'm not like that. I'm just like, anybody who wants in, come on in. It's a party for everybody. It's, yeah. So here's my question for you, Brooke. For people that I mean, it's not even categorized as like trust issues. It's like, why are some people apprehensive about letting people in? What do you think is a main is a main concern, when it comes to people that are introverts like you who are just like, I'm not sure about people, and it's like, guard up first. Instead of guard up only after something happens. I think it's the, once you let someone in or like once you shared like, you can't take it back. It's like it's there. And that can just feel like scary, almost because it can be like, alright, if I'm feeling this way, or like I'm, this is who I am. And it's all in here, then like it's safe. Like, I don't have to worry about what other people think or getting hurt or having to trust someone. But then all it does is just isolate yourself and leaves you wondering like, Why do I feel lonely? Like why do I feel like I don't have a best friend kind of thing. And those are places that I've found myself in the past. And then it's realizing, yes, it can be scary to be vulnerable and let people in. But at the same time, there's so much that comes from that. And there's so much that can be just celebrated from having that vulnerability, like having someone that who does know you, and letting people in who do truly want to know you. And I think it's just important to be able to trust and be open with people. So how do you know if someone is trustworthy? Before ever trusting them with anything? I feel like, I've always been a good judge of character from like, trusting like my intuition with people and stuff like that. So I think that's part of it, of seeing someone and be like, okay, they seem like a genuine, like good person. And someone who actually cares about people. And in particularly cares in this situation, I feel like you can tell in conversations, if someone is actually wanting to hear you and know you, or if they just going through the motions kind of thing. How can you unpack that? What that looks like? I think it's like actively listening. And like, the questions that are asked, and not just, like I said, You didn't let me get away with being like, I'm fine. I'm okay. When you know that, like, there's more there, like there's something more and being able to like, ask that. And then I think just that in itself was like, oh, okay, this person like, actually wants to know more, to where I feel like sometimes you can be in a conversation, someone can ask the question, it feels like they're just checking the boxes of, oh, I checked in or I like asked, like, I'm sure you're fine kind of thing. Yeah. And, you know, you brought up that I literally asked such a simple question, which was, how are you? But it really, it taught me so much in that moment, too, because I didn't just say, how are you? I said, How are you? You know, and like tone is so important than those things? Because I feel like if nothing else, people can pick up on that and sniff out in general or disingenuous from like, actual genuine. Want to be there for somebody else. What is a great friend in your mind, what does that look like? And has your definition changed throughout the past couple of years? I think for me, a great friend is someone who, like I feel like I'm repeating myself as someone who like wants to know me, and something that I value a lot is being heard, because that's something I struggle with sharing how I feel or my opinions are The simplest things, but to be to feel like someone's invested in my life and wants to know, my life and do life with me kind of thing is not just checking in or seeing how you are here or there, it's we walk through life together, whatever that looks like, and someone that is there whenever you have good times, and you can celebrate, and also there in the hard times, and whenever life's not so easy, but is there in the same way of just by your side, not not someone to try and just like fix everything or like, doesn't have to make everything better, but just is there to walk alongside with you and someone that you can trust. And that's something that sometimes you have trust right away. And sometimes it takes developing that friendship even more to see if it is someone that you can trust. And because there are going to be times where you're gonna think you, you have this great friend, and that you have found someone and that you can trust them. And something might happen. And it can be something that you can bounce back from and your friendship can be better for. Or it might be something that you realize that friendships not going where you want it to go kind of thing. And that's okay, too. And so I think just what I value most is just someone that wants to know me, and be involved in my life and let me be involved in their life as well. And whatever that looks like and cheering them on and championing them on in all aspects of life. know, when you're talking about coming to a point where you're like, maybe, maybe it's not that so? Are you talking about like a broken trust? Or what would be a metric where you're like, I'm not sure about this? After all? Is it like people not communicating the same way? Just Can you unpack that for me? Yeah, I think it can be multiple things. I think a big one would be like broken trust, like being lied to, or just feeling like you've trusted someone with something and like they've told someone else, or whatever that looks like. I feel like that's hard with women in particular, like, I feel like it's hard to not gossip in certain certain situations and stuff like that. And I feel like that can seep into things. I think sometimes it can just be like your personalities just don't like mesh over time all the time. Or, like you said, the communication and you just like multiple times of it just not being on the same page kind of thing can be like maybe this isn't going to be like my best friend, but doesn't mean like, we're not going to be a friend or someone in your life kind of thing. Yeah. So as you're talking, I'm thinking of how differently you and I communicate. So Brooke, Brooke is the kind of person that if you don't ask her, she's not going to tell you. So I'm so I'm like, so I was just supposed to randomly ask you, how was your lunch today? I know you had pizza, how was it? And she's like, Yeah, and I'm like lash. But then I on the other hand, I'm like, you don't need to cue me in, I'll just tell you everything about my life. And so that's something we had to understand. And so I wonder for you, I don't know if it was for you or not. But like, well, I know at some points, but it was a it was a point of frustration, because we're just like we're not communicating well. But that's one layer to this. So there can be communication issues that need flushed through. But I think what you're saying is that the importance is just communicating and communicating. Here's how I'm receiving it. This is what I actually need. This is what I'm observing, how can we fix it? And that's something we've both made an effort to, without even really talking about it, which I don't know how we think to like, it's important to note that like, we didn't do that from day one. That's yeah, like that something that's developed over literally years of friendship, like, it wasn't something that we were like, Okay, we're going to be great communicators. And this is how we're going to be best friends. Right? It just, it was, like you said, we're, we're so different in so many ways. And a lot of things just I feel like it just naturally happened. And then it became like, okay, even things that feel like they naturally happen, like relationships or whatever it might be at some point, they're still going to take work. And so I think that was, that's where we're at and continue to be is like, there are going to be things where we're going to have to communicate better, and it's realizing that, but then also, now we've established the friendship where we can bring that up kind of thing, like, Hey, this is how this made me feel. Like, how can we navigate this better? So when is that a good point? When is that a good time to bring that up to somebody because you said we established that but what if someone is like, I think like I think they're good friend but like I don't? Do they care about me feelings? Like how did you as someone who's like, always trying to make peace situations. How do you think we navigated that? So we pause it for a minute, because Brooke and I were both trying to think, and we couldn't think of the answer. And then I thought of when I think things changed for us. And it's when I actually broke your trust for the first time. You want to you want to tell about that. I'll trust you. Like, you can share what you want about it. You can say from your point of view, okay. No, but that I had hidden something from you. It's good way to put it. Yeah, so that definitely harmed our friendship for a while. Because I know, I know how it felt to you. Because you're like, I've been nothing but honest with you. And now that hasn't been reciprocated. But I think that was the moment where we both had to make a decision. Are we willing to fight for this friendship? Because if we are, we actually need to figure out what the other person expects. Do you have any thoughts to add to that? Yeah, I think like when that happened, it was hard for me to fight off the instinct of just completely like, shut down and be like, okay, all was completely backup kind of thing. And it was like, going through that, like I said before, like, whenever your trust is broken, it can either be, alright, this is there's no getting over this, or you can use it to make your friendship and relationship stronger. And I think I had to make that decision. Like, with that experience of, am I going to just shut down and just be like, Okay, this is how far I can trust her. And then this is kind of where our friendships going to just plateau? Or am I going to use this? And, yeah, it's going to take me a while to like, get over. And I'm not really going to be like, I believe everything that you say, and that you tell me absolutely everything. But I can also be like, Okay, we have this relationship, and I value this relationship. And it's not something I just want to throw away. And I don't believe that, that that was your heart either. And like, at the end of the day, like, I think that's what's important, too, is knowing the other person's heart. In situations like that, whether it's a little fight over something, or whether it is broken trust, like the end of the day, I knew that your heart was still good, and your heart still, like cared about me and our friendship. And so that had to be what was prioritized in that situation and working through that. And I think like, we talked about this not long ago about how that situation, I think, not only like me making that decision that I still wanted to like kind of essentially trust you and like, have our relationship and friendship. But you given me the space and the ability to handle it. However, I was going to handle it. You didn't say Oh, right. I lied about this, like, Okay, I've said it, we're good now, right? It was, this is what happened. Like, and you just, I don't even know if it was like vocalized. But it was I felt like I had the space to handle it the way that I needed to handle it or like process it the way I needed to process it. And then we were able to move forward kind of thing. And I think like looking back, like it wasn't fun, but it definitely made our friendship stronger. And I think it made us in the interest each other more. I completely agree. Can you define? Or just articulate if someone is listening is like I'm in this space right now where I'm just like, I don't know what to do. is kind of tricky. What do you say that I did when I gave you that space? Like did I not talk to you about it? Like, like, what was it for you that made you feel like she's letting me have all the emotions right now? Yeah, I think it was, I don't know because you didn't like just stop talking to me and be like, hey, come to me whenever you're good kind of thing. But it was more of just I didn't feel like a pressure to like forgive you right away or like for us to like discuss it further. Like in that moment kind of thing. It was more of you shared with me and at that point where like I've been completely honest with you now. And I had to just trust that that was the truth kind of thing. And then it was I feel like it probably wasn't talked about for a little while. I don't remember exactly like what conversations were like after that, but I didn't feel pressured to be like okay, I have to decide if I want to forgive her or if I don't kind of thing and you did like you were aware that you'd hurt me. But you also like we're still there for me kind of thing. And I think it just like what are And Chip was in the foundation that we had and the friendship still was strong. And this is what carried us through? Well, I think I think that's the thing, right is because our foundation was based upon the same thing. And us both being believers, that's the similarity that we shared amidst all of our differences. And so that's the point of view. We're speaking from the heart about that moment in, like, coming to you and like, actually saying, what happened is a moment I will never forget, also, okay, I'm gonna cry. Because I had to see the pain in your eyes when I told you and not be able to do anything about it. And I think that, that, me seeing that made me realize it wasn't a fear based like, I can never do that, again, it's, I will never put her through that pain, again. And it was like the best thing for me, because it made me realize there any action we've ever taken, is not just about us. And I think that's the thing is they're like, they're, you have no idea the amount of impact that you have on people around you and how every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Come on now science. But I think the same was true here. Like, and I think, for you, because you had to come with me on a healing journey through that didn't have to chose to even being hurt by in the process. And that was the thing that I needed in that was like, that's the epitome of and Galatians. Six, three, believe it is where it says bear one another's burden, like you perfect, like perfectly, live that out in that moment. And I'll never forget that because I was like, I hope I get the opportunity to continuously do that for her too, when we come out the other side of this, and we did. And then we put some accountability up. But that'll come later in the conversation. But right before we started recording, we were talking about acquaintance ships, close friendships, and that gray area in between. So I want you to just go off on it and tell me what you were telling me because it was so insightful. Yeah, we were talking about how there are people that we know and people that like you hear it all the time, they feel like they either feel like they don't have a lot of good friends, or they have friends, but they don't really have anyone that they're confiding in, or that they can trust, and what that looks like, and it's like, why do people feel that way? Like, what, what is happening here, because it's like, you meet people, and you become acquaintances, and whatever that looks like whether you work together, go to church, together, school, whatever it looks like, Your lives are crossing. And then from there, like, those can progress into friendships. But I also feel like there's like this. In between, like, you're saying, like, I there feel like there's not a word to describe it. But there's something there's a phase in between, like acquaintance and like, solid friendship. Yeah. And, at least for what we talked about, like, what I value is like a friend, like a friend to me is not just someone I just like, see and hang out with casually, like, we're in the same place kind of thing. It's like someone that I'm confiding in, or like, talking to her that knows my life kind of thing. But then again, like an acquaintance isn't there. And I think, like, what we're saying is that people get stuck in that either acquaintance or in between is they think they have these friends. But at the end of the day, they either are just friends that they're partying with or just hanging out with, because it's easy, convenient. Whatever that looks like, fill in the blank. Just some sort of companionship just on there. Like we're existing together. We're friends. Yeah. But then at the end of the day, are those people showing up whenever you go through something hard or you've had a bad day, or you just need someone to talk to you kind of thing? And actually talk to not just small talk kind of thing. I think that's where the disconnect is, is a lot of people have hanging out people and like, who you think are your friends, and not so many people have solid friends. So when it comes to it's like, why do I still feel lonely? What I feel like I don't have people even if you're surrounded by a lot of people and I think it's because we don't ever cross the threshold of like, being vulnerable with someone I think that's what like tips you over into being friends and like we talked about, that's what made us go from like, just hanging out friends kind of thing to like, okay, this person we're friends. This is person's solid kind of thing. And it was that moment of vulnerability. And that's what made me think it's like, Are these people who are saying they feel like they don't have friends, or they have friends, but aren't great friends kind of thing? Are they having those moments of vulnerability, and whatever they might look like, it doesn't have to be a huge step of vulnerability, it's just could be as simple as like opening up and telling someone how you are truly doing or letting someone in in the smallest way. And I feel like we don't do that very often. And I know for me, like, most of my life, I lived in that area of just, I had people and like, would hang out like this, and that, but I wasn't sharing my life with anyone. I wasn't letting people in. And I think that's where the problem is, is that people are just staying in that comfortable place of just, oh, I have people. But no, I'm not really letting people truly in. So here's the thing, it's not actually comfortable, then is it? Because at the end of the day, you're like, I'm not so sure. That was good. Brooke, that was a great way to articulate that. And, you know, as you're saying, this, I'm getting that visual picture of like, the wild western movies where like two guys come out. And they're like, about to draw. And that's how people treat like vulnerability. Well, like they better says, I'm very, because I'm not gonna tell you something, you know? And it's just like, they're, there's a risk in anything, where your heart has to be on the line. So is that worth the risk? I mean, it's the same thing. When you step outside, anything could happen to you. So is loving somebody else in finding a deep relationship and friendship with anyone worth the risk. And, you know, people sometimes use that phrase DTR define the relationship when it's like a, like romantic relationship. I think it's totally acceptable to do that with any relationship. In fact, like, I will never forget a moment a couple of years ago, when someone who I was pals with was like, basically called me and was like, Hey, by the way, like, I want to be a really close friend in your life. And I'm not necessarily feeling this reciprocated. So I don't know what to do about that. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for telling me. Because then I was like, I didn't even know like, I didn't know No. And then it like, it changed the dynamic of the friendship and made it so much more solid and an open. So I think what we're both encouraging people to do is, don't be afraid to take a risk. Yeah. And going off that too. Like, I've never experienced a moment of being vulnerable with someone where then it wasn't reciprocated. Or it wasn't the, the response wasn't like, either. Wow, like, and like, I care about what you said, or like, that's incredible, or thank you for sharing, or it's man, I didn't know, someone else was feeling that way. Or I didn't know someone else had gone through the same thing. It's always been received in that kind of way of like, any moment that had been vulnerable. Either the other person who's vulnerable back right then, or it seems like opens that door a little bit. And it's like, Oh, if this person can be vulnerable, then I can. I think that's one thing too, that really helped our relationship. So Archer is because like Joe said, she's an open book. And like, whenever you meet her, it's like, she will tell you her literal whole life story. If you want, like all the details. Like you don't just get the Cliff Notes. You get the full, like, thick novel. Well, not the first time because you didn't let me talk, but it's fine. Anyways, so like, for me, it was like, wow, like I won. It's, that's very rare. I feel like to see in people for them to just right off the bat, like, I don't even know yet. But like, here's what I've been through, like, here's my life, like, I'm just going to be open and vulnerable. And so for me, like how I responded to that was, oh, well, if you're being vulnerable, then like, I can too. And I think that's what led up to like, opening that door for me of, okay, she's been vulnerable with all this stuff without me like having to like pry. I can like return that kind of thing. And I think that's what is important with vulnerability. Yes, it feels risky and scary sometimes. But also like, it helps other people feel like they can be vulnerable to it. And that's what we're what that's what we're missing. Yeah. And it opens the door for trust. Yeah, like that. That's what you felt is you're like, Oh, she trusts me. Yeah. And, and people. Yeah, people want to like, that's so good, Brooke, because yeah, it's like so compelling. You're like Oh, Oh, well, you're safe. You're safe because you thought I was safe. I love that. Done No. So, that being said, so vulnerability we know is really key for any any depth whatsoever, I think. And that's why I love deep conversations, girl. But what do you think is another reason that people get, quote unquote friendships so wrong? Like, like, truly and I know, you probably feel the same way as me, because we're best friends are talking about everything. But when you see when you see those Instagram, like, memes about like, oh, toxic people, I can't think of one toxic person in my life. Like, are we weird for? What do you think we're, what do you think we're doing out here? I think that too, goes back to like, people living in that like, comfort area, like, and not knowing what true friendship could be. I think that's where like, you let the toxic people in, because it's like, those are the people who are just naturally around you. Or, like, sometimes, like, you can't always tell if someone's gonna be a toxic person. Like, sometimes that evolves and is revealed later on in the friendship. But I think like for us, it's like, we had like, known what true friendship could be even like before our, our friendships kind of thing. We've each had that before in life. And up until like, probably five or six years ago, I couldn't say that, like, I've had friends and had people who I was close to and like even people I'd consider a best friend. But I look back on those relationships and like, what did i What did I truly like, value or contribute or, like, get out of that? Those seasons kind of thing. Other than just someone who was in my life and conveniently placed alongside of me kind of thing. And I think like, it's important to have both kinds of people, like you're not going to have all best friends or this and that like what, like, you're probably gonna have like, maybe just one person or whatever that looks like. And it's okay that not everyone falls in this, like, they check all the categories of okay, their best friend material, we can be friends, like move on, you're gonna have people that like, you just you hang out with or like the you enjoy being around, or you share life experiences with kind of thing. And that's okay, too. Like we're not, it's not all or nothing. When it comes to friends and people in our life. We need that balance, we need a mix, like I emotionally, mentally, physically cannot have that many people be that close kind of thing. Like I have my couple of people and I'm like, these are my people. But yet, I'm still gonna love on everyone else that around me kind of thing. And I'm still going to show up when I can and how I can. But I'm also going to know that I can't be everything to everyone. And that's okay. Yeah. And that's okay. And I've had to learn that the hard way a few times. And I think that's why I'm able to say that now that like, Me will learn my where I tap out. And to be okay with that. Yeah. And you said, you said that previously. I just want to like clarify something you said, you looked back and you're like, what did I get out of this? But you weren't saying it like that? You were it was more of like, what value? was? Was there? Like? Yes. What was that kind of thing of like, did I invest into it? Right? Yeah, that's that's a good way to put it's like an investment. Was there investment there? Or is it just convenience? Because see, oh, curl Come on now. Because this is the thing, right, is that everyone? There's there's two desires that everyone wants in life is to be fully known and fully loved? Well, that's gonna take an investment to get there. And so if you don't invest your time, your heart, you know, if there's no investment, then you're not going to get ROI, which is the return on the investment. So which, which begs the next question is, what is the goal of friendship? So that's what I'm going to ask you, right? What is the goal of friendship and your life and I have my own thoughts. So we're both gonna answer this one. For me, it's someone that I can let in, like I've said and someone that either that just looks like, rant talking about random stuff to like, can just like, share what's going on, like, what's happening in my day, whatever that looks like. And it's also someone that I can go to if like I'm hurting or if I'm not having a good day or if I need to talk through something. And I can have someone that I know is not going to judge me or like I Be afraid of what I have to say or not know what to say like. And it's good to know that they can just show up and be there. For me, I think that's like to like, put it all together. Like for me, the goal is to be able to show up for someone and have them show up for me as well in whatever that looks like, to the smallest day to day things too big life events that could happen kind of thing. It's just doing life to get there. No, that's feel like that's like a cliche like phrase, it's always said, but it's, that's the goal is to share your life with someone and we're not created to go through this life alone. or figuring it out by ourselves. Like we're created for community and close friendships like, we're designed to have that and crave that. Yeah. And that's like, my biggest goal is just to have someone and people like multiple people that I can have in my life, have in my corner, and meeting people where there is a huge thing for you. And, and one thing that I love about you, Brooke is that you truly love celebrating people. Like, for instance, when my podcast launched, she said go outside, and I was looking for her car, her car wasn't there. But she got me a bubble tea. And it was like the smallest thing made the most because it was just like, everything's a celebration to her. And so I love that you bring that into friendship. I can go on for another hour, but who wants to listen to everything I love about you. Me? Well, off air then. Words of affirmation. Yeah, that's. So I think, on top of what you said, there's three things that I love in friendship. And you know, that game when you were younger, it's hungry, hungry hippo and you're just a doctor. I'm a hungry, hungry learner. So that's why I could just ask questions. I'm hungry in general, but also hungry learner. And I just love finding out things about people like no matter how big or small, like, what's your favorite ice cream flavor to like, what's your love language, you know? And like everything else? And what's your biggest passion? So I think that and I so desire growth, which means I have to find a core group of people who can see my blind spots that I'm not aware of, and be like, Hey, wanna let you know, this is here? How can we work on that? And so that, that also queues up, tees up? Accountability, which is like a huge thing for me as well. And one thing that became even bigger for us, as a result of the trust being tainted between us in order to get that back, I was like, here's the thing. I don't ever want to do that again. I need you to hold me accountable to it. Yeah. It's like, how do you actually follow through? You can say that, but then it's like, how do you follow that up? Like you asking for the accountability was the action behind? Like you not wanting to do that again? Kind of thing? Oh, I got you. Yes. And so you've heard me talking about other episodes, where there's two people in my life that have my location. Broke is one of them. So Brooke, is to check and see where I am at anytime, at any point to make sure I'm not getting into trouble. So that's that. So we're so different. And a lot of people are just like, how are you guys even friends, because we don't even have that many similar interests, which I think makes this a very dynamic friendship between us. Because what we had to do really was we had to cut through all the like, nonsensical stuff and really just find each other's heart. So I love that you said like, you knew my heart. Because sometimes I think that you know, my heart better than I know myself. Like, I'm like, I don't know about that. You're like I do. And I was like, how could you know, she's like, because she also doesn't talk like that. In my mind. She does. She's like, hype like me all the time. But no, she's just chill and peaceful. It's also important to note that coming into this talk, I said, I need I need the brook that I know, not the southern charm brook that everybody thinks they know. I need the real unfiltered one. So that's okay. Tonight, although you're kind of filtered still. Bloopers. I know what you're talking about. Just see this attitude she pulls. So it's interesting. You brought up the love language part because I think that that is a really interesting dynamic too, because we're so opposite. We definitely don't have the same love languages. And I think we were both thrown by that at first when we like first had that conversation. And I just think that's interesting to understand, because when you do one thing for someone, they can be like, cool, bye Another person who like exponentially love like, I cannot believe another human being did this for me. And Brooks is words of affirmation. And so I'm like, all the time. I'm like, What should I tell her? Wish? I like your shoes. I like your smile, you know? And it was just like, funny learning that. And really, it's just like, well explain, explain what words what why words of affirmation is big to you. And I didn't want to say to like, I think it's important that you're bringing this up, because I feel like a lot of times people can be like, love languages, like that works with like, my relationship, like my romantic relationships. But it works with literally every relationship because we want to feel loved. And we want to love the people in our life, no matter where they're at, whether it's my mom or sister dad, or if it's my best friend, or if it's my husband, like, it works for every person. Yes. And so I think that was important that we're bringing that up. And for me, like you said, words of affirmation, is mine. Because for me, it's like, I want to feel like, seen and valued. And whenever someone is telling me that like in a genuine way, not in the like, like you said, you joked about like the gift just giving compliments of like, is this how this works? And it's like, it's not like that. Like, I'm actually like, not the greatest at receiving compliments. I'm like, hey, oh, yeah, you're no taco. Thank you. But it's whenever I can tell that someone's like, truly like speaking in to who I am, and like, talking about and pulling out like traits that I feel like I am created to have and like that I have and stuff like that. And just as a way that I feel valued and seen, and therefore I feel loved. Yes. And also, if you don't know what we're saying, with love language is based off this book. It has like millions of copies sold. And it basically breaks down. Everyone has a preferred way of being loved. And it's five categories such as physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts. Like, what's that last word? Gifts? Do we care about that? Yeah, but so it's really interesting once you find what that is for another person, because it really unlocks a deeper level. And it had like quizzes you can do, you can literally go on and do like love language don't have it for like friendships and for romantic and digital, they actually have a book about workplace love languages, too. I know I thought that was so cool. Anyways, back on track, I actually, whenever I have a really good conversation with someone and their love language comes up, I actually put it in the notes of my phone, what their preferred love languages. And then I like refer back to it. If I'm just like, Man, I know that they're having a tough time right now. Like, what can I do for them? We talked about having the same foundation, but like who we are, is so different from another person. And why I value that so much is because I mean, I've been hearing about this a ton, but the whole echo chamber thing that's happening like on social media, like you're only hearing, like, the algorithms are literally curating stuff that they know, you would only like, so you're only hearing one side of the coin, you know, and I don't like that, because I want to make sure that I'm actually seeing people for who they are not from my certain lens. So I think it's our friendship is really cool. Because of that. I just think we're cool. You know? I mean, Brooke, you're really good at Friendship, like you are, you're a fantastic friend to me. And you are such a amazing listener, which is a good thing we should bring up too. Because I know you touched on it briefly, but it makes a difference in a person's life. When you are looking someone in the eyes, and you don't have your phone around you. I mean, I know we've both learned that with each other. And we both call each other up on that before, where we'll be like, Hi, I'm here. So where's your goodbye, you know, I'll flush it down the toilet, if no Aussie would threaten that at this point. But what encouragement would you give to someone who doesn't have their person right now? And how and how they can break through that barrier? I feel like that's hard because when you're in that, like it can one either feel like maybe I've just I'm not meant to have like a person and not everyone does. Like no one's to say that you're gonna have like one best friend kind of thing. But I think when it comes to that, it's like you can only control what you can control like what you can You kind of thing. That's a whole word right there. What that looks like is, Are you like, putting yourself in a position to where you can meet friends? Or like, grow closer with someone like, are you? I know it's hard in the world right now. But like, Are you meeting people like hanging out with people? Are you like, trying to share your life? Or are you just going day by day like living your life, doing whatever, and not letting anyone in. But then wondering why you don't have people surrounding you kind of thing. That's like something I had to learn. It was like, whenever. So my husband and I moved to Pittsburgh, was it. We're coming up on six years, we six years in March. And whenever we're like, we made the decision to move, we knew no one here, zero people. And I, like I've handed out like my entire life, I've been more reserved, and like less likely to put myself out there and like really dive into relationships. But something that I told myself, when we moved, it was just this mental, like click and decision of ongoing to like, put myself out there more, and whatever that looks like. And for us, it ended up looking like we found a church a couple of weeks after we moved. And it looked like getting involved and meeting people and like actually, like I did things like it was I was like, Hey, can we go to dinner? Which is so uncommon, I want to get to know you. Yeah. And I wasn't great at it. I feel I mean, it weren't you realize it. But I think that's what's important is you have to make that decision of, okay, if what's important to me is to have someone in my life to do life with to be my person to be my best friend, then what am I doing to set that up kind of thing of like, put myself in a position to where I can even meet someone to be a friend? And how am I being that person to someone else kind of thing. And it's not something you can force, you can never be like, okay, this person is going to be my best friend, I'm determined like it's going to happen. Because that person might not be anything like you think they are, when you actually get to know each other like you might, your personalities might just completely clash and you might not be good. I think a lot of times it just has to naturally happen. That's why it's hard to answer that question of like, what can I do? Or how can I make this happen, or whatever that looks like because for someone to become that close to you, and to be that person, a lot of it does have to just fall into place, mixed with work once that's established kind of thing. And also to like, I think it's important to mention that that person might not always be the same person in your life, well, you're gonna have seasons of friendships, and you're gonna have people who are going to be there your entire life. Like, I feel like confident that Zoa and I will be friends like, for life kind of thing. And whatever the different seasons look like, like, I'm pregnant, and we're about to have two kids under two and like, I'm married and like, that's a lot. But like, at the same times, what I have to keep reminding though, is like, I still need her in my life, like me going through different seasons, and her going through different seasons doesn't like disqualify the need that we have for each other kind of thing. It's just involves a shift in what that looks like, and stuff. And so sometimes, like that's the case, and then sometimes you have seasonal friendships, where you are gonna have someone that's gonna feel like your person and your best friend. And then you might naturally just grow apart, or life just happens, whatever that looks like. And so I think it's important to not put such a strong emphasis on, I have to find this person to be my person for life. And like I said, it's just putting yourself in positions to where you are getting to know people and letting people know you, and having grace for yourself in the midst of it. And, you know, from the opposite angle, because you're like, I have kids and that was like a thing that was like a real real concern for me. I was like, You're not going to want me or need me or have time for me. Like she was convinced. Like, I'm gonna cry right now. No. But it's so true, because it was just like, This is my person. You can't, I can't share you with a baby, you know, and I didn't touch you. I think what's been really cool about the people in my life who were in my inner circle, when I started to shift the perspective of like, What what do I want one day to be married? So like, any relationship with another human being period can be an opportunity to be, who do I want to be in the future because I can prepare and use this time in other relationships right now. And like, I feel like I am a better not feel like I am a better person, because I have you in my life. Can we just cry? No. No, I think that was a really good word. And in talking about your experience to was was so true, because like, Brooke is like an introvert introvert. Like, she would never walk into a room on her own, you had to get uncomfortable to find the best thing. I wanted to say to that, I feel like we've emphasized like a lot about like, having a best friend or like, what that close friendship looks like. Yeah. But it's also important to have like, multiple friendships out to have, like multiple people in your life and around your life kind of thing. And I think that's something that, like innately you want to be like, No, this is my person, like, you can't have her she's off limits. Sorry, she's taken. My best friend claimed. But I know that I can't be everything that zone needs, I can't be everything that other people in my life need, they need other people as well. And so that's something that one, I have to realize that I need that I need other people to, like, I can't just find my one person and be like, okay, like, put myself out there found someone I can trust, like, I'm good. I have to realize that I need other people who are in different life stages, who are have gone ahead of me who are coming behind me, like, I need people that I can pour into, and that can pour into me and that are different for me and are the same as me, like, I need a balance of all of that. And I also need to realize that the people in my life need that too. Like, I know that XO needs people to pour into her that in a way that I can't. And I have to be okay with that and have to champion that on because it's going to make her a better person. And in the end, like that's gonna make me better to, I'm able to see like, other people be able to, like, pour into her in ways that I can't. And the same with other people in my life. But that's so true, because it brings that whole aspect of community back. And how, how that, you know, like the parts of the body like it talks about in the Bible and, and also like, what's the verse about myriad of wise counsel? Like, you need a different array of voices in your life? I mean, why did Jesus have 12 instead of one? Come on now? I think I think that's a great way to end it. What do you think now? Did you have any questions you want to ask me? Like, no, don't care? It's fine. You know what? I think we're actually going to name this episode. How to find an intentional friend. Accidentally. Yeah, well, Brooke, I love you. You're my bestest friend. I love who you are my life. I love the value you bring to my life. And how you always challenge me, Okay, we're gonna cry, and how you always challenge me to be not not even just the best version of me. The person you know that I want to be hugged me. Well, I sure hope you guys enjoyed that conversation with my best friend. And before we go any further, if you want to give her a follow or just tell her in the DMS, she's fabulous, you can find her at Brook high on Instagram. So let's hit some of the takeaways. Number one I loved when she used the phrase No, the other person's heart because this is actually a phrase the two of us use in our friendship. If there is ever a dispute between us, we always say, Well, I know your heart, but you have to really know someone to be able to trust that their intentions are to never hurt you. So I love that you brought that up. Number two, when we talked about staying in the comfort zone is actually quite uncomfortable when it comes to confronting where we're at in realizing, oh man, I haven't let people in and I need to change that. So sometimes the most comforting thing you can do is get out of your comfort zone in those situations to make the best steps you can for better friendships moving forward. Number three vulnerability unlocks next level friendships and Brooke and I both talked about how the moment we were vulnerable. It opens up the door for the other person to do and be the same with you and you build a bond of trust so it's worth it. I have always found that to be the case, it is a risk worth taking. Number four, I love when Brooke talked about meeting diverse friendships in all different stages of life who bring different skill sets, strengths and knowledge to each area of our life. Number five, the whole concept of ROI Return on Investment friendships are in investment and the more of an ROI you're looking for, the more you're going to have to be willing to invest in finally the challenge that came from Brooke, when she said, Are you not letting people in and wondering why you're having trouble making close friends? Or are you deciding to put yourself in scenarios where you actually have to go out on a limb and take action and make the effort to let people into your life and share and do life with them? Well, I love that conversation. And I love talking to my best friend. And hey, stay tuned next week is going to be an awesome episode, I spoke with one of my friends who has an incredible story about his past and where he is today. So next week, we're hitting up the topic of how to transform your life and completely changed direction. It's one you don't want to miss. I want to know what some of the highlights were from this conversation for you. And hey, maybe this year in 2021, you're finding yourself wanting to dream bigger than ever before, but not just stay in dream phase, actually do it and take action. So if that's the case, you're going to want to listen into this conversation I had with my friend Rachel on this very topic. I'll see you guys in the next video.