This is the accidentally intentional podcast. I'm your host, Joe. I hate small talk, and I'm ready to have meaningful conversations that build us. Let's go. Hey, guys, welcome back to another accidentally intentional podcast episode. And today I have my new friend Jay Lee on the podcast with me. We met a couple months ago at a conference and there was something that really stood out to me from the moment I met Jay, and it was the fact that it was clear he was an extremely disciplined person, let me tell you a little bit about him. He is a former Navy Special Operations bomb technician who delivered counter Improvised Explosive Device expertise to the Navy SEALs, Army Rangers and Green Berets during hundreds of combat missions around the globe. That's pretty ba if you ask me now, he currently has his own company called Golden Compass, where he serves as a personal finance coach, as well as a John Maxwell leadership coach helping individuals and companies achieve optimal performance. So yeah, basically all that to say I knew that Jay was going to be the right guy to help me with my focus and discipline dilemma. In this conversation, we kind of go all over the place starting by talking about discipline, which quickly moves to focus, which then we talk about leadership and what bosses can do to help their employees focus and be more disciplined at work and a whole lot of topics, all of which I think you can relate to at least one of as we move through the conversation. So hey, I hope you find it as helpful as I did. So without further ado, let's jump into my conversation with Jay Lee on how to become more focused, and disciplined. Let's go. Hey, everyone. Welcome to another accidentally intentional podcast episode. And today I'm really pumped because I have my friend Jay Lee, on the podcast with us. What's up, everyone? Thanks. Thanks, Joe, for having me. I appreciate it. It's an honor and pleasure, my friend. So Jay has served our country in the military, which we're so grateful for. And whenever I met Jay, and I first found this out I said, Thank you so much for serving our country and for the first time in ever I got this response from JJ don't want you said to me, so thank you for your taxes taxpayers, we do what we do for the taxpayers. You want me to do crazy things by God, that's what I'm gonna do. Albay John, here's the thing, Jay, you are someone who I actually consider to be really disciplined in life, you do a lot of things. And you do all of them. Well, well, hi. I on the other hand, and someone who let me start by this, I'm not very good at being focused. In fact, I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school. And for some reason, I have put focus and discipline in the same bucket all my life, and have seemed to struggle with both. So I want to have a conversation today on how to actually become more disciplined. I like it. Well, I mean, I can help you out with that. Like your, your conundrum, if you will, of the focus versus discipline, because I was never, ever focused. Growing up, I was totally not focused on any one thing. I was just super sporadic. And you know, trying to do everything and just like bad at school, and you know, all the things I was a problem child. And then I finally was in a lane where I could actually do something that I wanted to that I believed in, and that having that purpose, I was like, bam, I'm like laser focus now. It just like, essentially, like, muted everything else, like all the noise that was around me. I was like, boom, okay, this is what I want to do. What does it take to get there? Alright, let's go do that. So do you think that purpose is something that really helps articulate and it helps bring out the focus and discipline for people? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think it's a necessity and doesn't just help, you know, it is a 100% necessity. Because if you're not doing something, I mean, think about anything that you don't like doing. You, you're all you're doing is thinking about everything else that you could or want to be doing. So true. Yeah. So if you have a purpose, and you're doing that, and you're serving a purpose, then it's very easy to stay in, in the game, if you will, it's actually harder to turn it off. So let's, let's unpack this for a second. Because, you know, I have seen this statistic that only 1/3 of Americans are actually engaged in their job at work, meaning that the majority of Americans, for instance, are super unhappy in their jobs. So how can this come into play? How can you develop a focus and a discipline when you are doing something you're not passionate about or finding a purpose in Go do something that you're passionate about, and you're finding a purpose in. So yeah, it doesn't have to be a job though, right? Are you saying find an outlet that can provide you with that? That could be an answer, that could definitely be an answer. If you can, if you can make that your job, awesome. Like, that's the ideal situation, like getting paid for what you'd like to do. But sometimes, like on the topic of focus, right? We don't know what we actually want, because we think we want everything but we haven't sat down. And actually, like, what do I want to do? What is important to me? Like, what are my values? And what jobs allow me to do those things? Once you figure that out, and once you define like, because that is going to be different for you, that's going to be different for me, that's gonna be different from everyone else. Of like, I mean, sure, like you have friends that like want the same thing. I digress. Anyway, you have to define what that is for you what gives you purpose, you know? And then once you define it, once we define for ourselves, then you can start making some moves, you can start taking some actions, man, I will I like doing that. Because it gives me purpose. And oh, I can get paid for that. Awesome. Now it becomes my job. Okay, perfect. So I like that, because we started here. And now we're already down here. So we're like digging right underneath the earth with this thing. So God, I just blow it up, just blow it up and get down in there. There we go. He's making references I can't understand. But we're here for it. You know, we're just learning. So go. Okay, so you said what do I want to do? What are my values? So you so this is a good starting point for us? How can someone determine what their values are? If they haven't put themselves in an element that has them yet? Right? Well, you can just look at your for starters, right? If we're not going to, if we're just going to scratch the surface on this issue, we definitely need to iron out our professional and personal priorities. That is, you know, one, I want to like, what is the priority for you? Is it do I do, I love what I do. I love who I do it with. I live where I work. And again, that is totally relative. Like, for me, that could be a 30 minute commute for you that could be you need to be like two minutes max. And that is living where you work. So you got to define those things. And then, you know, working good hours, again, totally relative, depending on family life, whatever you're comfortable with whatever your family is comfortable with. And it's not about, okay, and I said what you're comfortable with. And when you're figuring out what you value and what you actually want. It is not about what you're comfortable with, or what you can deal with. For example, you know, like, when I was in the military, I traveled a lot. And when I was transitioning out, I originally came to the table with my wife about, you know, like, a work, a work trip, or essentially like a job that requires travel. And like, well, I'm traveling, you know, 180 days a year as it is right now. And we're doing fine with that. And she's like, okay, yeah, we can deal with that. And I'm like, okay, yeah, we can deal with that. But if I'm going to move to the do I actually want to be traveling 180 days, yes or no? Probably not. Honestly, you know, because that's kind of like, that's a lot. That's six months. And when you define that, so what would be an acceptable amount of travel? You know, maybe just cut that in half, for starters, maybe three months, three months of travel. Cool. That is good. I like that, um, that's not dealing with it. I actually liked that. That's awesome. So define what actually, like all these parameters for you specifically. And then you can actually make a decision and then continuing on. So what we're where I leave off, working good hours, right. So then, and then making good money. Another relative thing? What's good money for you? I don't know. So yeah, you gotta you gotta do some homework, we got to do some homework, people, we got to ask ourselves these questions before we even know what we want. Values wise. I mean, because it's not even that doesn't even touch like, Man, I want freedom and peace and you know, all these other things and goes down the list, like what is important to you? That is, sure that's to your core. But you gotta find someone that allows you to find some thing that allows you to do those. I gotcha. No, I love that. So you asked five questions. I think it was do I love Do I want to love what I do. Love who I do it with? Is the community how important is the commute time? What is that? Working good hours and then making good money? Right? Yes, there's those five. So those are the five questions you need to think through to find the lane. Yes. Okay. Perfect for sleep. If that makes sense, okay, so let's, let's say this podcast for me became a job, right? We'll just use me as an example for this because I just love doing the podcast. So let's say that I jump into this, you know, full time making money. And then I'm like, Oh, God, I'm doing 1000 things. And I don't know, I'm just I'm back to square one. With the not able to focus. There's too much in front of me, which I feel like is what everyone seems to think is the problem right now. Because everything's like, hi, notification, ding, hello, where your neighbors, you know, just everything's in your face, like trying to steal our attention. away. Yeah. 100%. And that's, that's the that's the that's the tough thing where that is. We allow, we allow these things to happen to ourselves, right? We can turn notifications off, easily, boom, do you want to do that? You got to take a look in the mirror. So you know, if your podcast blows up, which it will? Because I mean, I mean, look at this conversation, right, right now, obviously receive it, yes. Boom. Then it's like, okay, well, now it's blown up. And I don't wanna spend a lot of time editing and monetizing things, boom, I'm gonna hire someone to to edit this boom. So I don't have to do that I can focus now on what I actually like doing. I don't like doing that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna hire that out. So I can focus on what I actually like doing. I don't like getting notifications, about from Fox News and everyone else, and bla bla bla, bla bla, so I will turn it off. Yeah. And guess what? I'm still here. I'm still surviving. Without all the without, with all the updates. It's great. Yes. So what if it was a situation? Okay, I'm getting hyper specific, because I was just having this conversation with a friend, after doing the work life balance conversation with my brother. And they were saying, I don't understand still how to do this, when I have to, quote unquote, be on call from my boss all day long. And so I'll be doing one thing, then they'll make me switch completely. And then I'm just completely derailed and have no ability to focus on anything, because I'm just like, when's the next thing going to come? Yeah, what would you say to that? Yeah, being on call, that's tough, you know, because you don't know when those calls are gonna come in? And I guess you can, you gotta control what you can control. If you're always on call. That's gonna be tough. And you might want to reevaluate that. You might not like that work environment, some people thrive in that work environment. Yeah. That's, that's what I was going to talk about next. Because just this past week, I saw this meme going around. And it was saying something about how, if you lived in Europe, you would say, Hi, I'm going to be camping, I will be away for the next three months. But if it wasn't America, the away message would say, Hi, I'm getting a kidney surgery, I will be available within three hours. But I'll get right back to you immediately. And I'm just like, how did this happen? Because that feels so true. And the thing is, a lot of people have jobs where it's not in the job description to be on call all the time, yet. It's the expectation that was never written out. And so I feel like I have a lot of friends that are struggling with this, because it started and now they feel overwhelmed. And they don't know how to just like you said, set up boundaries. Can you set up boundaries? Once it already passes? Like a certain threshold? How does that work? Yeah, I mean, you can have a frank conversation, if you're, if your leadership team is approachable, which I hope they are, if they're a true leadership team, they will be approachable. And they'll have a conversation with you. And you know, because they care about their people as a leader. I definitely care about you know, for this example, right, let's say you're my direct report, and you come to me, and I care about Zoo. Like, if you're stressed out, because I keep tasks accurate. And you I just from my perspective, you just do it, and like oh, man, that was awesome. She just keeps doing it, she knocks out of the park all the time. And if that conversation doesn't come to me, I'm just going to think that you like doing it. So unless I am provided with the tools needed to help you, there's no way I can help you as a leader. Now, if you come to me and you're like Jay, I love working here obviously you're not gonna just be like, I need more time off it's all about languaging and how we talk to people it's like all the on call days and the doing things at a moment's notice and you know, always being available is really taxing on me and it's you know, it's it's stressing me out. I really wish or not not even wished like Can we please Did I miss something? Or can we can we redefine my my work schedule my work hours and what is actually required because all the extra you know, like 789 o'clock phone calls and emails. They're taking a toll on me and I want I want work to be at work and I'm trying to establish a boundary. And that that may that may be well received, you know from a good leader. Depending on like I mean, there's a lot of circumstances behind here You know, previous track record, I don't know, all kinds of unknowns here. But right in the perfect world, this is the first time we're talking about it, just bring it up, you know, they a leader can't do anything for you unless you bring it up. And hopefully, if they're a good leader, they will come to you and help you out if like, as much as they can. Yeah, so you're almost saying, given the opportunity to know that the problem was there first. So absolutely. I guess I kind of have a couple questions coming from that. Because the first thing I'm hearing that would sound the alarm in someone's mind is, oh, I would for sure, get fired. If I did that. Which there might not be anything validating that thought other than I can't admit to a quote unquote, weakness, what would you say to that? Well, that is kind of ambiguous, right? Because we have all different kind of personality types. Sure. Let's just say someone is like, very outgoing, and they like to talk. And now this person wouldn't have a problem. Like, just like, from a personal like, if, if, if I'm an extreme introvert, and I'm just like, really, I hate confrontation, like, you know, I'm going to avoid that situation altogether, just because I'd rather maintain the status quo. And because I wouldn't be I would be afraid to get fired, you know, because I just don't like having those conversations, and I'm gonna be patient. But now, if someone is like super talkative, outgoing, and they are afraid to have a conversation, Like, legitimately, it's like, I'm afraid that I will get fired if I have this conversation. That's an issue, right? Because if your people are afraid to talk to you as a leader, that's a red flag. That's a huge red flag that something is not right. With you like with you communicating with them, I should not be afraid to talk to my boss ever. No, yeah. If I'm going to go in there and just complain, obviously, that's going to have repercussions. And if it's not founded on you know, like facts. Sure. And if I go in there, like very immaturely without actually thinking things through that could that could spiral. However, the feeling right, that we're talking about like, Am I just uncomfortable because of me and my things? Or am I uncomfortable? Because I'm legitimately afraid of talking to the boss about problems? Yeah, no, that's, that's a great distinction. And I think that's something you know, you're definitely passionate about is great leadership and confronting the leadership crisis that's, that's going on in America, because you yourself are John Maxwell leadership coach, which I love about you. So I guess I kind of want to take this from a separate angle. And we can we can talk about this in a myriad of settings. So if someone's having trouble focusing, like if I came to you, Jay, and I'm saying, I'm having trouble focusing, I don't really know what to do. What can bosses do to help employees that are having trouble focusing? What can friends do to help? How can we help each other with this issue? That seems to be huge? Yeah. Ask I mean, ask questions. You cannot ask enough questions. Why are you having trouble focusing? You know, why? While not getting a lot of sleep, why aren't you getting a lot of sleep figured out? Like actually care about your people? Right? Yeah. Care about your people, like, legitimately show show a concern for them as a person, not just an employee, and know stuff about them, know what's going on know, know that their dad just died, know that their marriage is falling apart, know that they're living paycheck to paycheck, know these things, and then you can actually help them out. Because maybe it's not me, that is stressing you out. It could just be these other things. And I'm just here now, now I can actually have serve as a helping hand, because I'm pulling this information out of you. And now we're connecting. We're not just communicating. Now, we are truly connecting, because you're sharing with me legitimate things that are going on in your life, not just like, Well, my work schedule is crazy, I need more time off, you know, because that may not just MIT, that might not be it. It may just be we need to work on getting all these other things squared away. So you're a better employee, not saying that you're a bad employee. But I want you to maximize your time here and not be worried about this all the time while you're here. So what do we need to do? What can I do to help you what what can I do? What tools do you need? How can we help this? And as a leader, I'm going to know that about you. Because I'm going to ask the question. I'm not going to assume anything. Yeah. You know, this is really interesting thinking through this because it's kind of my first time ever thinking deeply about it. Because as you're sharing all of this, I just keep thinking about the fact that I wonder how much distraction nowadays is actually coming from because distraction means the opposite of traction that you're gaining in Rome. intent, right? So. So if you are having a distraction, it's usually as a result of trying to numb something that you don't feel comfortable with or in. And I'm wondering if one of the reasons that we're so not focused or not disciplined today is because we are trying to pull ourselves away from an uncomfortable situation, like how many, how many of these things are swirling around in our mind, that are making us anxious, that aren't being addressed, that are really just like, what if scenarios, I mean, I like, I'm really figuring this out for myself right now. I'm like, This is what a lot of my issues are coming from, because I'm just like, can I have conversations here? Can I have conversations here? You know, what, if it's not received, well, this whatever isn't going to help you if you don't even do it to begin with, you know, exactly. You can't assume and, you know, a personal story of you know, we need to ask ourselves these questions, too. You know, for example, back in the day, right before I was a personal finance coach, my my purse, I was not always good with personal finance. Actually, I was your standard mark one mod out. That's what we say in industry, right? That's like bomb terminology. Like that's the first generation of something. That was your mark one motto, American. And what does that mean? So statistically speaking, 75% of us are living paycheck to paycheck, and that was definitely yours truly. Because I was just concerned about buying cars to impress people that it didn't, no money I didn't have. And then I was financing partying, which is incredibly stupid, because like, I was literally on deployment, waiting for this tax free money to come in. And now I'm not even serving my purpose. At this point. I'm literally serving to collect a paycheck. I'm not I've like, literally, am not taking any steps. For the reasons that I raised my right hand and swore an oath. I am literally just out there trying to collect a paycheck to pay my bills, from the workup cycle, and like to pay my car off and all these other things. And when when bills are looming everything, what was my MO was just like, I'll deal with that later. You know, it's too much because I got I got all this to focus on right now. You know, like, I got bombs and stuff and other people's lives to worry about. So I will worry about that later. That is not how it works. It's that's not how it worked for me. Because that stuff is always always poking at you in the back. It's always there. And it's a distraction. Like you said, it is the exact opposite of traction. I love that. Because I didn't have any traction. I was missing things. I could have gotten people seriously hurt or killed. And it was because I wasn't having these conversations with myself. Like, why are you so distracted? Why can't you focus anymore? This is actually your purpose, yet, you can't focus on it anymore. Why? And I had a very hard conversation with myself in the mirror. It's like, you need to get it together. And you need to start answering some hard questions about you what your what your choices are. And some of the some of the decisions you're making in your personal life because it is affecting everything. No, that's, that's so good. Thank you for sharing that. Because yeah, absolutely. That's another area entirely where people have issues with being disciplined. So I guess where I kind of want to go with this. Next is just to ask the question, what are the mindset like characteristics of someone who is actually disciplined? How do you know what you're missing in order to become a more disciplined person? Interesting? Well, there's, like, what goals have you accomplished lately? And not even lately? Like, what's the biggest thing you've ever accomplished? Boom. Okay, what did it take to get there? Did it happen on accident? Chances are probably not. It took a lot of dedication and hard work. Now, how you accomplish that thing? Is that how you do everything in your life? Chances are probably not, there are some super high performing people out there that they're just like in the zone all the time like that. That is definitely not me. Full disclosure. But it is like, you can you can compare things. It's like, okay, I did this and this timeframe, and boom, these are this is the mindset I was in. These are the steps I took to get there. Do I do that? In other areas of my life, like let's say, the laundry, right? Do I am I diligent about like folding the laundry as soon as it's done the dryer? Absolutely not, you know, absolutely not. And I will admit that, yeah, that's something I'm working on. But guess what, that's a repetition that I can do to get better at discipline. And that is like attention to detail type stuff. And you know, like my navy background, that's like boot camp to a tee. Right? They take you as a civilian. No offense, everyone that's not in the military. That's a civilian. I mean, this isn't a term of endearment. They take civilians boom, they come in They bring us in scrubs down. And now they're going to implant essentially, this is how you need to be thinking about things. And it's attention to detail. That's the biggest thing. If you ask anyone about boot camp, its attention to detail. Because now you're going from this, where it's like, the details may or may not matter. But now, they matter because there's people's lives riding on it, potentially, depending on what kind of thing you're going to be doing. So it's like, even the way you fold a t shirt. They're instilling this like repetitions, like you may not be a disciplined person, but we're gonna make you a disciplined person. by instilling this repetition of attention to detail, you will fold the bottom of your shirt up to the neck, you will then fold each arm in then, and so on. And it's like that level of attention to detail. And, unfortunately, that does stay with me right and stays with a lot of people. I talked to all my buddies, like, sometimes I have a conversation now, a very important one. And I miss some of the details, I can't remember I have to like take notes and like ask them again, like, I will never forget how to fold that T shirt like boot camp style ever. Or like the silly cadences, we used to sing what we're like running around like that has permanently been like etched in my mind, and it is taking up space. So now I find it difficult to focus on other things, right focus. Because that like think when I think back, that was such repetition, every single day, day in and day out of practicing that attention to detail. That's why that is permanently cemented into my brain. And we can do the same things in our personal lives. By putting ourselves in situations where we need to be disciplined. Do something like sign up for something, sign up for a challenge, or a goal or a race or a project and do it like you have to put yourself out there, get vulnerable, sign up to do something, and follow through. That's your practice for being disciplined. And then over time that will carry on in your normal life. I love that, you know, it reminds me you know, it was a great answer, because I was going to ask the follow up questions of what can people do. And it reminds me of Seth Godin, the king of marketing, and how he always says to put yourself on the hook to deliver something. So whenever he's talking about creatives, I mean, he started a blog 12 years ago, and has written something for it every single day, for the past 12 years, because he's like, I'm putting myself on the hook. And I think that's even the problem for people is because for some situations, what if someone's like, there's no real cost for me not doing it? You know, it obviously depends on if it is, but you know, if we're using your example of being a personal finance coach, there's a literal cost to that. So what would you say is one super tangible, like, here's a direct action I would take for someone to start learning how to implement repetition, and put themselves quote, unquote, on the hook with something you could do. Okay, this is my favorite challenge. It's the 30 day squat challenge, okay, it's a one month 30 days, you don't have to squat. Like if you don't have a barbell, whatever, if you do have a home gym, even better, you will do squats every single day for 30 days. Like that's a start. And you can do that with anything right push ups, whatever. I always do. Squats is a load squats are great exercise anyway. Sign up for that. But don't just do it on your own. Tell someone that you're doing it, put it out there like, Hey, I'm going to do this 30 Day Challenge, who wants to do it with me, you know, enlist the help of friends. It's like, oh, yeah, I'll do that with you. Someone be like, there's no way I'm doing that, like, see you later, you know, and you can make cool, whatever still have you. But I'll just be have a way more tone, but then you in 30 days, so whatever. Yeah, boom, there you go. And it's that easy, right? It is that easy. And it can be something trivial like that. Or it can be like, I'm going to read five. And again, these are very small steps. You can if you're not like a big reader, and you want to be more disciplined about reading, devote to yourself, and actually follow through with a plan of like, for the next 30 days, I will read five pages of a nonfiction book, at least five pages. You can take us up for them be like 10 pages, but like, remember, you want to ease into these things. It's like when you haven't worked out for a while, and you go for a run and you try to run 5k And then you're not going to work out again for three months because you just ruined it. You know, start out slow, you may not feel any effects on that first day, but on day 20 On day 15 Or, you know, and so on and so forth. You're gonna feel the effects because you've been doing it now over time. And lasting effects happen over time. Yeah, so great. It reminds me of in the book atomic habits. And James clear brings up the example of someone who wanted to start going to the gym frequently. So the first week, he literally drove to the gym, walked in for five minutes just with sneakers on and then left because it wasn't about the He, he just needed to build the habit of go to the gym and put a vote for yourself like, Yes, I did that I did it yesterday, I could do it again today. So it's almost like rewiring the brain in a way. So I love that so much. That's such a great example. Such a great example. Yeah, I think that's a problem for people. And I would absolutely say, I'm putting myself in this camp right now, where the whole perfectionism thing comes in. So, you know, focus and discipline is one thing where I mean, focus, discipline habits, they're all in the same kind of realm, right? So I need to be going 100 All the time. And that obviously causes a problem. Yeah, yes, you did it. And so it causes a problem, because then I try and swing the pendulum of focus one way, then to something else. And it's just like, hold on, this is not working. And I guess I want to know how you and your own life kind of pushed through the whole perfectionism of Oh, no, you have to do this obscene, you have to reach this obscene goal. There's no man bowl, measurable, bite sized steps? How How did you fight your way through that? How did you come up with something that would actually work? Well, it's like, it's like, eating, right, everything in moderation. You know? Yes. Maybe I follow that rule. Sometimes, maybe I don't, you know, don't judge me, whatever. However, that is an excellent philosophy that you can apply to everything, right? Everything in moderation, is being like extremely detailed, important. Absolutely. And that's an incredible strength to leverage if that's you, however, any strength becomes a weakness whenever played. So if you're always trying to, like be that perfectionist, and be super detail oriented, it's gonna go great for a while, and then it's just like, when starts when things start to kind of disintegrate a little bit, maybe it's not as perfect as it always is. Now, you're going to be taking a loss and, and, and it just like burnout, you know, you have to have that r&r, that rest and relaxation, just as much as you have to be honed in all the time, like, you have to be able to take a breather. And the more we do that regularly, like set that like, again, back to the boundaries, if we set a boundary, it's like, Okay, I'm going to do screen off at 1030. You know, every day, until I wake up, or on the opposite of the spectrum, when I wake up that first hour, I'm not going to look at my phone. I'm not going to open up my computer, just add me next time. Goodness gracious. And so that's like, I mean, these are hard challenges, right? Yeah. But it's always good. When you do one of these things to have an accountability partner, for sure. 100% like enlisting the help of a friend, like show them your weakness, if they're a real friend, true friend, like you need to be showing them your weakness. They're gonna help you through it. If you show someone your weakness, who you think is a friend, they exploit it, they're obviously not a friend. And there, there you go. There's your there's your very good example of someone to eliminate from your life, right? That's a that's a good boundary to put up. Because a true friend will take your weakness and they'll help you through it, and they'll let you rest on their shoulder. And vice versa. You should be doing that for them. Because at the end of the day, like that's what it's all about. You have to you have to be doing these things. You have to be doing these challenges. You have to be always doing it. It's always about repetition. Always. That's so good. Correct me if I'm wrong. Did you say the sentence because it's so good if you did, every strength becomes a weakness when overplayed? Yes. Wow. Yeah. That's something I need to think through. Because I'm just like, how many things am I just over playing right now? It's just let's mull it over. Let's mull it over, you tell me on the air, no, off the air maybe. Alright. So the r&r piece of this. You said rest and relaxation, which I think was interesting. Because I want to know, do you think that a lack of what's the word being able to unplug is causing people the inability to focus? Do you think that's a that's a trigger for it? 100%. And it may not be like, inability to focus on work. It could be inability to focus on family. I mean, that has been a huge struggle for a lot of people, you know, in the light of COVID where everyone's working at home. So there's no clear delineation of, I'm leaving work, and I'm going home, and I have a drive to decompress. And then I get home. Boom, get on my car, shut the door. All right, I'm home and I'm game on. Now. It's I'm going to walk out this door right here and go up to the living room. And that's a much shorter timespan of going from work to home and it's hard you know, it is very hard to turn it off. And that hyper focus in one area, again, a strength will always become a weight This one overplayed, like, if you're hyper focused on this thing, what else in your life? Are you not focusing on that you should be? And I can't answer that for everyone. But you know, for me, I've definitely been in that you know, just another, I'll get vulnerable with you guys, I don't care, I love you. So when when I get hyper focusing on something, then I know that my sleep will struggle, because I'm like, hyperfocus, I'm like, I gotta get this done. And I'm in the zone right now. So I'm just going to keep going, keep going, keep going. And it's four o'clock in the morning. Now, my next day shot, I don't have breakfast with my kids, because I'm like, no worried about other things. And, you know, another example, I could be doing that, and I'm missing out on family time, I'm missing on all these other things, when I could very easily just shut it down. And I say very easily, it's not very easy, you know, for for a lot of people to include myself, you know, we can write the act itself is easy actually doing it, I can shut this computer and unplug and be done. That is very hard for us to do. If I just do that, boom, I had the entire evening with my family. And then I go to bed earlier. And then maybe I'm more rested, then I wake up earlier, and I can open that computer back up and bam, get right back at it. Again, it's that it's that balance, right? Everything in moderation, I'm gonna be super focused and give yourself a timeline that might help. I'm going to work as much as I can until this like five o'clock, let's say, when five o'clock comes, it's an all stop. I'm shutting it down. And I'm going upstairs, right, for example, like you know, and my living rooms upstairs. So that could be the case. And give yourself a timeline. You're giving yourself a boundary and tell someone like tell like I would tell my wife like, Okay, I'm going to shut it down at five o'clock, and it will be upstairs. Then at 505 She'll be texting me like, What happened to shutting it down. And I'll be like, five more minutes. Like you said, you're gonna shut it down at five. And now I cannot peg her for like, nagging. Right? She is holding me accountable. And I appreciate that, which you asked for? Yeah, maybe not in the moment, but I definitely appreciate it. But yeah, that's like it's all about that accountability and tell a friend you know, if you're doing that, you know, if you're not married for a lot of people that are married out here, tell a friend like hey, you mind just shoot me a text at five. See what I'm doing? Like just to make because I want to be shot. I want it to be turned off at five. Yeah, you know, someone that you trust? Hey, what are you doing? They'll call you be like, What are you doing? I hear clicks here keyboard going? Like, no, that's something else. I'm like, No, actually, like, hold them accountable. Yeah. And it's so it's so important. That's great. That really made me think Bob Gough has this phrase called beware your feet are and it's something I've really had to challenge myself this year, because I'm like, I mentally am somewhere else. But yet I'm here. So who's whose losses this the person who's actually right in front of me. And that's not fair to them. So no, I like how you phrase it like that. And this everything in moderation is really getting me because I'm even thinking about how, oh my gosh, I have read and I don't know if I'm alone in this or not. I have read so many habits, disciplines, focus books, I read all the books. Oh, I could tell you what all of them say, you know, I know what page what happens on. And then I'm like, let's go, this book's gonna change my life. And there we go again, just off to the races can't be stopped because there's no moderation. So I'm going to lift off, boom, just right back down to where I started. So breath, take a breath. I don't understand the concept. No. No, that's, that's really good. So. So you're saying accountability is a huge part for that? What if it is a work situation, let's say where you have a lot of projects, but none of them have specific deadlines. It's like that dead deadline is ASAP, which means nothing. You know what I'm saying? Because, yeah, I feel like that's, yeah, it's a theme that I keep hearing come up for people. And they're like, I don't know what to focus on. Everything's due all of a sudden, all the time. So what do I do? Yeah. How would you recommend someone prioritize it or create self accountability for it? very easily, very easily. In right, in theory, right. It's easy to talk about. And it's easy to say and it's easy to listen to, but it is very, it's actually very hard to enact right, we have to read the book and then do the things. Yeah. So this is no different than any goal. any goal that you have should be smart, right? It just has to be and right now, I'm drawing a blank on what the SS oh my gosh, specific Okay. Ready? Civic. Yeah. Specific, measurable. S M A attainable, right? are realistic, and t time sensitive and are completely irrelevant or realistic, right? Because like if I have a goal of like, I want to be an Olympic figure skater that's not relevant to my life or whatever I'm trying to do anyway. Yeah, I could maybe I can dream you know, I can dream. So for your projects do that you No, order out the projects, if you got a list of projects, what's the priority? Okay, what needs to happen first put first things first, you know, that is what that's a that's a Steve Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People put first things first, you have to do that and outline it, look at it. Is it your boss's priority? Is it whose priority is that, you know, whatever, whatever needs to happen needs to happen first, give that a timeline, the earliest one, and then so on and so forth. Okay, this can wait until next month, this one can wait till next quarter. This one has to be done. By the end of the week, I really need to follow up on this today. Boom, now you have your list of things and your order of priority, your order of precedence. So now you can start ticking things off the box. Because they're time sensitive. You've you've assigned them a time specific, again, like you know, maybe this maybe I have a big project. I will follow up with XYZ on Monday, I will then I will talk to these vendors on Tuesday. Like do that, like outline everything you're going to do. Be very specific about it and measure it. I will do this by like it. I will do this by Tuesday. Yeah. And then attainable. Yes. MIT that is hugely important. Okay, be real with yourself. And if you're working on a team, be real with your team. And don't over promise, you know, that is a huge thing. Just don't over promise. If you under promise, great, then you've set yourself up for a power position to really deliver more than you promised. If you over promise, now you are you're being you're holding yourself, because it was like I promised this now your word is that in jeopardy if you don't deliver. And if you over promise, chances are, you may deliver to someone, but the other person you promise to is going to, you're going to drop that ball. And you're going to be forced into a situation where it's like, man, now I have to drop someone, because I'm like, You're gonna have to put a priority on these at some point in time. So you might as well just do it right off the gate at first. Because if you're faced down the road, putting a priority on someone on the back end. Now, this is where this is where integrity starts to come into play. This is where your character even might be in question, you know, if they think you're just lazy and blowing them off. But yeah, you were just tasked saturated? Because we did this to ourselves, instead of actually assigning on the front end. And now we're being forced to do it on the back end. How do you think someone can figure out whether they're over promising something? If, if it's, if it's a completely new situation? Well, I would say, a self assessment, always right. To be self aware, you have to be self aware. In situations, I mean, pretty much in every situation, the more self aware you are, the better off you're going to be. So if you're, if you're on a like a new project, or whatever, and you just like set a timeline. Now, if you're thinking about that, sure, there might be just like some background stress associated with it. But the more you think about it, you're like, I don't know how this is gonna get done. You know, I don't know how it's gonna get done. I don't know who's going to do it. I don't know how to do it. And you're certain these are the questions that are in your mind instead of like, okay, cool. We need to get this done. By this time. This person needs to do that. When they do that by this day, then I can take it over here to this team, and then boom, and then we can collaborate and then so on and so forth. And if you're pushing things down the road, as far as like, planning wise, like, Okay, I'm setting markers and, and like wickets that we got to hit, boom. Now, if I'm just like, if I'm feeling under the gun the whole time, like if I know, like that gut check. So we always say, hey, time for a gut check. If it feels weird, or wrong, or like you're always just like, under pressure, or if you feel like you're gonna fail. I don't want to say be afraid of failure, because I mean, obviously, you're gonna go out there and fail. Awesome. That's a great learning point. But it's always looming. And it's in your heart. And you're just like, Man, this is like, I should realize, say, I shouldn't have promised so much, you know, and I'm sure you felt it. I've definitely felt it. Or it's like, yeah, I wish I didn't say that. I wish I just gave myself another two weeks to get this done, or whatever the case may be. But yeah, you gotta you got to do that. Yeah. So Jay, you know me pretty well. And I kind of want to use myself as an example and you're free to like, discuss whatever but you know that I'm a very high energy person. I've already talked about how I'm like always trying to keep a 100 do everything at 100. There's no middle ground for me. So what would be your speaking to people like me? What would be one thing that you wish you could just tell them that maybe in if we're looking at ourselves in the mirror, we're not seeing it? Like if you could just be that friend? And to all of us right now, what's something that we should that we should know is like it's a blind spot for us. But you'd like to tell us is happening here. So you're being a racecar. Okay, you're being a racecar, you're being high maintenance, and you're trying to perform at your absolute best at the absolute limit all the time. Now, what happens to a race car when I don't know if you're into racing, but what happens to a race a very, like we're talking Formula One, boom, everything is milled down to the exact like, 100th of a degree. And I don't even know if the engineering or math those math anyway, you're operating at that level. And if one thing goes wrong, the whole thing comes apart, and nothing works. So when you're in the zone, like yeah, that is peak. And that is like super high performance. But then one thing goes wrong, it all comes unraveled. Okay, that's what you're doing. Right? Would you agree with that? Absolutely. Yeah. Okay, so now, we need to be, and I recently had a conversation with this gentleman named rich Divini, he wrote a book called The attributes, which is a great book. But he in this book, he talks about optimal performance versus peak performance. And optimal performance is doing your best in a given situation. So I can perform optimally in this setting, right. And that may be different than your optimal performance. But I am performing like the best I can for this situation. But I can do that for a long time. Right? Peak is like, it's like a mountain, right? It goes up really quick, and then down really quick, optimal as you go up, and now you're at that optimal performance. And you can hold that for a long time. I feel the peak. You don't want the peak? I know. That's what I found out. Oh, yep. That's Oh, there I come down. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah. So the optimal performance is like, I mean, think of, think of a regular car, you know, you can drive on the highway 400 miles, fill it up a couple of times, and you're good. You don't need to change the tires. You don't need to change the brakes out. I mean, I don't know how you drive. So you might have to do that bad, thankfully. But you know what I mean, like race cars, whether it's Formula One, NASCAR, Indy, whatever they're doing, I mean, ridiculous speeds are pushing it to the limit all the time. And they're changing. Like, I can't quote how many times they change the tires in a race. But there's a lot, right, it is more than I changed my tires, probably in five years. So it's like that peak performance, like, boom, it's quick, it's really focused, and it's awesome. But then it's over. Versus optimal performance, like what do you need to do to perform optimally. And that might be you know, like, if you're doing something that you don't really like to do, or you're not comfortable doing, your optimal performance isn't gonna be like anyone else's optimal performance, it always does that task. But at the end of the day, if you're doing it to your best ability, that's all it matters. I love that. So basically, stopping a race car, got it, you've been saved, put it in my pocket. And I'll also link that book by rich Divini. Below in the show notes. Okay, so I think this has been a really good conversation, because it's not like handing out the answers, because everyone is a different situation. But I definitely want you to give us if you could name like three focus hacks that have worked for you hyper practical, what are some of those, it's really just giving yourself, Okay, number one, get real with yourself, and put things in priority. Like that is the best thing you can do. Everything isn't an issue, everything isn't on fire, actually put things in priority, put first things first and do that, boom, then you will unlock to now number to actually sit there, right, go down the list. And I know this, this, like, this is a horrible tip, because I'm just telling you literally to just do it, but have follow through. And that means like, get an accountability partner. So make your priority list, whether it's a teammate or whatever. You know, and it's tough, you know, like this is, let's use, like, I'll use my company, for example, like Golden Compass. I'm the only one right, it's me. I'm running it. I do all the deliverables. I do all the planning. So it's hard for me to like when I'm working on a project, and I've outlined my priorities, like this is what needs to happen first. Now, how do I hold myself accountable when I'm the only one, tell someone like to give yourself that timeline of like, Hey, I'm gonna shut it down in five. So now you've given yourself a time limit. So now really focus in and get that priority done. And three, shut it down. Just shut it down. You have to shut it down. Because if you don't shut it down, and you're staying up all the time, like, trust me, this is like really me right here. Because I don't always do that. You know, and I haven't always done that. And that's something I've struggled with it almost my entire life is just like not shutting it down. And then When you don't shut it down, it's just going to deteriorate. And it's like a snowball effect because of like, I'm in the zone today. But then I like oh man, I was awesome. I was able to stay up until, you know, like 12 and get it done then the next day, now I'm dragging take me longer. So now it takes me longer to get going. Now I'm staying up even later because it took me longer to get going on my on my list. And then so on and so forth. Now I'm up till two, then four, then I just pull an all nighter, because I'm like crazy. So yeah, put first things first, get an accountability partner, hold yourself accountable. Have someone else hold you accountable? And then shut it down. Got it? No, that's great. And I think I think those are literally the same three quick hits to becoming more disciplined to so they really go hand in hand. They're focused and disciplined. Maybe that's what we'll name is Episode How to become more focused and disciplined. And it's like a bonus. Boom. I would love to hear how this works for people, you know? Yes, you back. And speaking of how can people find and connect with you, Jay? They can always email me Jay at Golden Compass. llc.com Any questions leadership communication, or personal finance. And also follow my finance arm on Instagram, Golden Compass, I'm sorry, G c, as in Golden Compass, financial freedom on Instagram. There we go. Love it. And I'll put the links to both your email and your Instagram there. Hey, Jay, I love you, brother. Thank you for this conversation. Thank you for having me. So you're the best. And next time I talk, I'm going to be completely different because I'm going to be more disciplined and more focused. Maybe not completely different because everything in moderation. That's right, which but I'll be a percentage better than the last time how's that? That's all that matters. Look at me, I am learning. All right, you know what time it is time for some takeaways. One being focused usually means that there is a certain vision that you have your eyes locked on. Number two, we talked about five questions you can ask yourself as it relates to a career if you're lacking focus, these are the five questions you want to ask. One. How important is loving what I do to how important is loving who I do it with? Three? How important is commute time? And what number would I give that four? How important are the work hours? And if I could set the schedule? What would it look like? And number five, how important is money off the air? Jay challenge me that if I could choose three of those five as most important in my life, what would they be? And so my challenge is going to be the same for you itemize them one through 10 Where would you list each of those things and then choose the top three, and then you'll know which direction to go when you are looking for something that you can be really focused and passionate on and about. Number three, we allow distractions to happen yex number four a disciplined person has a ton of attention to detail and is all about repetition. Number five I love when Jay said every strength it becomes a weakness when overplayed and number six, okay, everything in moderation. I got it. Number seven, we talked about the smart method for creating goals. And it's specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time sensitive. That's a great way to develop goals that can help you win. And then Jay is closing message to all high performers like me who feel like we always need to keep it moving at 100 miles an hour. And his message was stop being a racecar. Okay, no, maybe I do need to stop being a racecar. But I'll tell you there's something I still want to be. And it's a Power Ranger. Now that was the most random transition ever. But I had to do it somehow. Because, guys, I'm really excited to share that. It may be the next episode coming up. We actually have the blue Power Ranger. Yes, the actor who played the blue power ranger in the new movie that just came out a couple years ago. He's gonna be on the podcast, and I'm so excited for that conversation. As always, I love you guys. And hey, Happy Independence Day, Happy Fourth of July. To all of you. I'm so grateful for the freedoms that we have, and having the freedom to be able to have a podcast platform like this to build a community with all of you. Oh, and one final thing. Be sure to follow Jay Lee on Instagram at GC financial freedom. I'll have the link in the bio and the show notes below. Yeah, thank you for being part of the episode. And if you're looking for a personal finance coach, a leadership coach, a life coach, I think I just said coach, I don't even know I'm just so excited because Jay can do all the things. And I want him to know that you listened and you loved it and you want to talk to him. Okay, bye. Was there someone that came to mind as you were listening to this episode? Because if so, please share it with them. We're so passionate about this message, and we want to give value to the people that would benefit from it. We drop a new episode every other Thursday, so be sure to subscribe to get the latest conversations. Oh and one more thing if you Enjoy this episode and this podcast, I would be so honored. If you would leave a review. It helps us to better connect with the intended audience of this podcast by doing so. And I truly am so grateful for any amount of time that you choose to spend with me because trust me, I know how many options are out there and I do not take it for granted. Seriously, I just wow I just really appreciate you and take I may not know your name yet, but let's change that connect with me on Instagram at XO Asher, or on Twitter at combos with xo. But hey, even if I don't know your name yet, what I do know for certain is that you're amazing. I love you. You have something that the world needs and you are always more than enough. So hey, we'll see you next time on The accidentally intentional podcast.