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Last week, I found myself in a conversation with some friends, revolving around confidence or lack thereof. And one of my friends opened up and basically shared that she does not feel confident whatsoever. And though you know, Instagram may make it look like, she definitely is super confident, compliments from strangers don't do anything for her because she doesn't really believe it or have confidence in herself. And as she was saying all this, I was listening intently and nodding my head and I said in response to her, yeah, I can totally relate to that. And that's something I've been working on this, you're actually because I noticed mine was so low, and she snapped her head around, she said, That doesn't make any sense. You look so confident. And of course, I was flattered. But then I realized, we're all struggling with this together, whether it looks like it on the surface, or not. And it could be confidence in your appearance, or confidence in your abilities or confidence in, you name it. So we continued with the conversation, and I shared some of the ways in which I was practically. And so as we continue with the conversation, I ended up sharing ways that I tangibly was able to build my confidence over the past year. And because I have found out that so many of us, if not all of us, at one point or another, have struggled with confidence, I want to share with you three ways that I have been able to help build my confidence so that in turn, you can do the same for yourself. And these are really practical things. This isn't like, you just really need to believe in yourself. Because nobody else needs to be told that right? We need tangible steps. And this is what I'm gonna give you today. Earlier this year, I was watching a TED Talk by Dr. Amy Cuddy. And this TED talk, which is called your body language may shape who you are is one of the most popular TED talks of all time on YouTube. In fact, I'm going to link it in the show notes below for you to watch. On your own time, I found this study that she conducted absolutely fascinating. And here's why. So there is enough research out there to show that the mind can change our bodies. But what she wanted to figure out was can the inverse also be true? Can our bodies also change our mind, the entire tech talk is based around body language, and confidence. And as she's going through the talk, the climactic moment of the talk is when she shares that your body language actually can change how your mind perceives yourself. And it's all about opening your body up. And she gave the example of a runner who just finished his a race. And the first thing they do is put their arms up in the air to celebrate. It's a posture of confidence and poise. And the study that they conducted revolved around people going into interviews and how body language ended up playing a part in whether they got the job or not. The study was split into two groups. One group was supposed to go in and kind of cower and make themselves small their head down, their shoulders rounded as they went in for the interview. And the other group was supposed to go in the quote unquote, Wonder Woman pose, which means your hands are on your hips, and keep it like that for two minutes prior to going in to the interview. Now, this was extremely fascinating to me. So you're telling me, Dr. Amy Cuddy, that if I put my hands on my hips, and have good posture, and look, people in the eyes for just two minutes straight, prior to entering something, I can actually not only appear more confident, but physiologically become more confident as well. And that is exactly what she proved in her TED Talk. So super weird, but I decided to try it because what did I have to lose? Absolutely nothing. So I ended up using this prior to giving a huge talk back in November of last year, and I was talking to people during the day with my hands on my hips, it probably looked a little bit weird. And then prior to giving my talk, when I was alone, I went to the bathroom and for two minutes straight, locked eyes with the mirror, gave myself some affirmations and had those hands on my hips with my head back shoulder straight and ready to rumble. And then as a result, I ended up giving the best live talk of my life. So I don't think it's coincidence. I'm just going to be honest with you, especially now that research backs it. So just like that, that is step one is actually put your hands on your hips for two minutes a day to really practice becoming confident because as you have that power, post that open stance in your body, you are teaching your mind Hey, girl, hey, boy, it's time to be confident. So this is what we're going to do. Now. I did mention affirmations as well, but to give a little bit more context to that. I read a transformative book last year called soundtracks by Jon Acuff and the soundtracks book is the premise of what kind of soundtracks are we letting play subconsciously in the back of our mind? And it could be the swirling thoughts like I'm not good enough. I I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough but but about, you know what it is right? Because we all have these soundtracks playing subconsciously. And so in the book soundtracks, Jon Acuff makes the argument and shows us how we can write new soundtracks for ourselves by asking three questions. Is that thought true? Is that helpful? And is that thought kind, because if it's not all three of those, that soundtrack has got to go. And we've got to put a new soundtrack in place, a soundtrack could be a thought, like, I am confident, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am ready for this. I am capable of this. Whatever it is that you need in that moment. And so affirmations have been a huge thing for me, I now I know it sounds super woowoo. But your words have power. I mean, the Bible even talks about that multiple times throughout Scripture. And if your words have power, than sometimes the best thing you can do is speak life over yourself, because you have to hear it. And you can hear it from everybody else, right. But it doesn't matter if your mind is drowning out all those thoughts, because our minds are the loudest. So we need to speak back to our minds sometimes. And that's basically what the soundtracks book was about, I'm gonna put the link for that below as well, because it was so helpful for me. So step one, was go into a power pose for two minutes a day. And step two, was write some affirmations down. And honestly, I found the best place to write my affirmations was in the mirror, because I'm going to look at it and not just write them down and look at them, but actually force yourself to say them out loud, so that you're getting the habit of hearing yourself, say it. And then speaking of the mirror, there's a third way that I've been able to help build my confidence this year. And this one sounds nuts. But there's actually enough science backing this, that it really does work. So Mel Robbins wrote a book called The High Five habit earlier last year. And basically, she makes the argument that if you can look yourself in the mirror, smile, and give yourself a high five, you are actually retraining your brain to get excited about the work that you're going to do. And one of the reasons for that is because globally, the high five, is a sign of encouragement. And so we always can get that hit of, oh my gosh, they think I'm doing a good job, et cetera. But what if we did it to ourselves, guys, I literally did this too. In fact, I remember the first time I did it, and I got this immediate rush in my body. And I was like, This is the weirdest thing ever. But I'm here for it. I will give affirmations to myself every day. And at the end of it, I'll High Five myself and say, You can do it. So let's crush this day. And it's worked. So that is step three. So to recap, step one, the power pose, Wonder Woman, hands on the hips for two minutes a day. Step two is to write down and say out loud some affirmations for yourself until you believe them. And then step three, is to look in the mirror, lock eyes, smile at yourself, and high five yourself against the mirror, high five, that reflection essays go time. Now there is another piece to this that I believe is super important. And if you know me, or you've listened to this podcast before, you know that I believe relationships are the most important thing in our lives, because we are created for connection. So another important piece of this is sharing with somebody that you trust in somebody that loves you that you're actually struggling with your confidence. Now, why is this important? Because I want people to be like, Oh, it's not true? No, that's not why it's because you're being vulnerable with someone who can hold you accountable to helping you remind yourself of who you really are inside. And I will say that because of the people that love me, and who I've opened up to over the past year, they have also been a massive component of helping me build my confidence in myself, because I have people reminding me every day of who I am and who I was created to be. And so if I refuse to my mind, believe it, at least I'm consuming it from somebody else. So it's working in partnership with one another. Ultimately, the goal is to get yourself to believe it. But let's say that you're starting from a place where you don't believe it, then have everybody in the home team come around you and remind you to tell yourself as well. So that is how I have spent the past year learning how to build my confidence. But there's also one more element to this. And in that original conversation I was speaking of at the top of the episode with my friends. They had said to me that it's so clear that I have this god confidence and I've heard this and if you are a believer, or you have a faith of some sort, you may have heard this term before, but it's very. What's the word for it? Unclear, ethereal? What are you talking about? What is God confidence. And so I've developed my own definition, to help me understand how to walk in God confidence and what I aspire for that to look like. And so God confidence in my mind can be defined as this sentence. Christ is in me, I am enough. And I have said that to myself over the years, probably hundreds of 1000s of times, before I do something scary for do something daunting, when I'm feeling anxious. That's what I will recite under my breath. I always will say it out loud, even if it's a whisper. So God confidence is having that ability to discern where I think I'm lacking, God's gonna fill in all that space and all the gaps. But then you can say, Okay, well, what if I don't think I'm pretty, right? Or what if I don't think I'm beautiful? Okay, well, that's a little bit of a different angle, because that's where you're choosing to believe, a narrative you've created for yourself, as opposed to the story God wrote for you. Because there are so many places in scripture where God speaks life over you, and tells you what he thinks of you, such as the fact that you are highly favored, chosen, loved and created by him. Specifically, you were uniquely crafted by the creator of the universe. And I think it's important for all of us to challenge one another that if we walk in faith in obedience, and do it every single day, then we can be confident that God's going to take care of the rest. So, for instance, maybe you have a job interview coming up, and you are looking at the job description. And let me tell you, I am so guilty of this myself, you're looking at the job description, thinking, um, I can't do 80% of this job. Okay. But you know, who can God because He created you, and he's gonna give you everything you need. It says that in scriptures, Well, God will provide all of your needs. And that's where God confidence comes in. You are confident that where you can't do it on your own strength, God will be there. And in his strength, all things are possible. And I love the verse, Romans 828, that says, and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. So at the end of the day, if you've taken nothing else away from this, please remember this. If you believe that you are living in your purpose, or at least seeking what that purpose is, which really, if you are a believer is to love God and love people consistently, daily, through and through, then God is going to work everything out for your good. And so let's not waste these precious seconds on Earth, riddled with discouragement and a lack of confidence in who we are, but rather reminding ourselves of who's we are, and who the source of everything else comes from. And that's God. So I hope this episode has at least given you a couple ways in which you can practice building your own confidence. And in the process, I'm praying and believing that you're going to be able to grow closer to Christ. Love you guys. We'll talk next time on The accidentally intentional podcast.